Count Our Blessings

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever." (Psalm 136:1)

My husband and I will be in San Francisco tonight for Thanksgiving dinner. Looking forward to the family reunion, I could not believe how I suffered during this type of gatherings in the earlier years of our marriage. My husband had no clue as of what was happening with me. How could a usually friendly and sociable person be so quiet and withdrawn, especially when he and his parents and siblings were having such a good time?

I did not understand myself neither. Their laughter and conversations somehow triggered my yearning for a happy home, and for my mom who died in November 1975 (just a few months after our wedding). As I withdrew from the crowd, I felt more and more rejected and alone. I thought about the marital conflicts among my parents, the unfairness of my grandma, and the unfaithfulness of my father. Pretty soon I would find some reasons to be angry at my husband. I withdrew further and sunk into depression inside, feeling sorry for myself, telling myself that he did not love me.

For many years, I could be cheerful and confident at work yet feeling unhappy and worthless at home. It was a vicious cycle that I did not know how to get out of. In January 1989, I was saved from such destructive force when I believed that Jesus Christ loved me unconditionally and died for my sin on the cross. I began to understand what love and acceptance were all about. Secured in my new identify, I started shared my deepest emotions with my husband.

This year we celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. I still have to remind myself to count my blessings and be thankful for what I have. I am thankful for my in-laws and my extended family. Although my father-in-law passed away in 2000 and one sister-in-law is out of California, tonight the rest of us will share Thanksgiving with Mom once again. One big family of Chinese Americans who were born in China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Vietnam, Japan, and the United States. Even though I miss my sister and brother who are out-of-state, I will enjoy the reunion tonight!

The most famous Thanksgiving celebration was in Plymouth, Massachusetts, in 1621. The colonists celebrated their first year in a new land and a successful harvest for their first growing season. The Pilgrims' families carried on this tradition. Eventually Thanksgiving became a national holiday in the States on the fourth Thursday of November.

I hope my little story helps you deal with stresses and conflicting emotions this Thanksgiving season. Remember, you are never alone with God around and it is okay to risk sharing how you feel. Read Psalm 100 and think of at least one thing you are especially thankful for this year!

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