Thursday, January 14, 2016

MOVED -- Integrated Newsletters and Blogs



Starting January 2016, my newsletters and blogs will be found at

See you there!

May love, joy, peace and hope be with you!

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

[PABC] "Parenting ABC" Newsletters Archive

Here is the archive of [PABC] newsletters published by "Parenting ABC" from June 2013 to December 2015.  The most recent article is listed at the top.  Just click on any subject title to read that newsletter. May God bless you!

12/22/15  Handling Adversity: You're Stronger Than You Thought

12/8/15  Overcoming Overwhelm By Coming Back To Ourselves

11/24/15  Cultivating A Family Attitude Of Gratitude

11/10/15  How Well Do You Handle Anxiety?

10/27/15  How Well Do You Practice Empathy?

10/13/15  R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Find Out What It Means To You

9/22/15  Confidence And Self-Respect Through Conflict

9/8/15  Pushy vs. Assertive. How Do You Tell The Difference?

8/25/15  Are You A Good Listener?

8/11/15  The Rewards Of Really Listening

7/28/15  Give Your Relationship A Tune-Up

7/14/15  Top 10 Ways To Have A Great Day

6/23/15  Music: A Soothing Balm For Stress

6/9/15  Raising Compassionate Kids

5/26/15 Life's Choices Aren't All Easy, But They Are All Yours

5/12/15 From Hopelessness To Happiness—A Learnable Life Skill

4/28/15 Do You Have Trust Issues

4/14/15 10 Ways To Love Fearlessly

3/24/15 When The Name Of The Game Is Blame, No One Wins

3/10/15 Curiosity In Business And Life

2/24/15 10 Fears That Ruin Relationships

2/10/15 Top 10 Actions That Say "I Love You"

1/27/15 Rewriting The Myth Of Perfect Togetherness

1/13/15 Top Ten Ways To Start (And Maintain) A Good New Year

12/23/14 Life Goes Better With Friends AND What a Friend We Have in Jesus

12/9/14 How Well Do You Communicate?

11/25/14 Using Story To Heal The Past And Change The Future

11/11/14 Scare Yourself Into The Life You Want

10/28/14 Creating What You Want In Life

10/14/14 How Well Do You Handle Fear?

9/23/14 Are You Too Cautious?

9/9/14 How Emotionally Resilient Are You?

8/26/14 Go, Go, Go... On A Break. It's Important!

8/12/14 Teenage Brains: Why Do They Act Like That?

7/22/14 How to Interrupt Negative Patterns

7/8/14 Codependence: What's My Responsibility?

6/24/14 The Wisdom Of Winnie The Pooh

6/10/14 The Road To Forgiveness Is A Journey Toward Freedom

5/27/14 Top 10 Things Your Children Need From You

5/13/14 Tending Your Marriage After The Kids Arrive

4/22/14 Hoping Is Not A Hopeless Endeavor

4/8/14 How Are You Coping with Grief and Loss?

3/25/14 Listening Practices: Tips and Traps

3/11/14 How Well Are You Listening?

2/25/14 Grow Yourself as a Parent

2/11/14 Things to Say Before It's Too Late

1/28/14 Shift Your Mindset for Lasting Success

1/14/14 Make New Year's Resolutions You Can Keep

12/24/13 Take Stock of Your Life

12/10/13 Top 10 Ways to Have the Best Holidays Ever

11/26/13 What Are You Grateful For?

11/14/13 Are You Worth It? You Decide Who Decides 

10/23/13 Embrace Fun and Play in Your Lives

10/9/13 Recovering from Improper Parenting

9/25/13 Playing to Your Strengths

9/11/13 Develop Emotional Resilience to Bounce Back

8/27/13 Living Your Own Life on a 2-way Street

8/14/13 The Empty Nest: When the Young Birds Fly Away

7/23/13 Turn Relational Conflicts into Blessings

7/10/13 Free Your Kids and Yourself from Comparisons

6/27/13 Ten Ways to Block Loving Connections

Wednesday, March 06, 2013

Love Them Just the Way They Are

Thanks for expressing concern and well wishes regarding my heart attack scare. I completed my stress test on the treadmill and the doctor said my heart was “very good.” However, I did catch a cold/flu a few days ago so please pray for me. Life on earth is short. I want to enjoy my family when I can. May the name of our Lord be praised!

Finally, our son’s family has moved back on February 22nd. Our living quarters are separated by a common living room and kitchen. We can share meals, conversations and activities, yet there is privacy and space for each family. James and I can sleep and work in our studio with minimum interruption as grandchildren play or cry “next door.” Of course, love and flexibility helps us stay connected.

Last Sunday, I woke up before seven. Still lying in bed, I thought, “Great! I can work on my newsletter before going to church.” Right then, I heard quiet “knock, knock, knock” so I got up, walked to the door, and whispered, “Who’s there?”

“It’s E.” (She said her first name)
“E who?”
“E C” (She said her first and last name)

Opening the door, I said “Shhh. Good morning. Yeye is still sleeping” and stepped into her world.

“Morning. Nainai, can you read me a book?”

“Sure!” (How can I resist?)

As I sat down on the sofa, she handed me a picture book and climbed onto my lap. I read the question at the top of each page, then she chose one answer from the pictures and said the word out loud. We went back and forth until her Mama came in and asked, “Did you wake up Nainai?”

When I said, “No, I was already awake,” the little girl smiled relief. After reading a few more pages, I said, “Nainai will read one more page, then take a shower.” She nodded. It seemed like a long time but I spent less than ten minutes with her. And we both felt loved.

Every interaction between two people is a time to communicate love and build relationship. With each positive interaction, we feel loved. Author Gary Chapman categorizes the most common ways of expressing and receiving love as "Five Love Languages”: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Gifts. When love is "spoken" using our love languages (dominant and secondary), we "click" with the sender and feel loved. At that moment, love is deposited into our emotional bank.

On the contrary, negative interaction withdraws love so “feeling loved” is not a one time deal. Unfortunately, every negative interaction may cancel out 5-7 positive interactions. So don’t argue and defend if someone says, “You don’t love me!” Instead, listen to their complaint (e.g. “You don’t spend any time with me” or “I can never do anything right!”) and try a different love language. Stop doing what doesn’t work and start doing what does work. Use different strokes for different folks at different times!

My dominant love language is “Quality Time” and that’s how James won my heart at Berkeley. Even though he was a graduate student and had a part-time job, he spent plenty of time with me: Driving me to school and back, showing me tour attractions, taking me to restaurants, calling me, and listening to me with undivided attention! Feeling loved, I appreciated James and told him so, thereby speaking his love language of “Words of Affirmation.” No wonder we got married after only three months of dating.

Sorry about digressing, but my readers include singles and couples without kids. My point is that every person has a need to be loved and accepted unconditionally in the “just as I am” way.

Do you think it is hard to accept someone no matter what? Yes, of course it is. But do you remember the phrase “Love is blind”?

I have also learned in a hard way that feeling loved and being loved are two different things.

The day after our wedding banquet, James started his first full-time job as an electrical engineer in the Silicon Valley. When he spent less and less time with me, I interpreted that as love being gone. May be I had an unrealistic expectation, but I was devastated nevertheless. I did not know then what I know now: most men are more task-oriented than relationship-oriented. They like working on and finishing their projects. Once a man has a wife (and children), he assumes he can focus on his career so to achieve and become a good provider. He also wants to have time for his friends, hobbies and sports.

But I married James because I like Quality time! With unrealistic expectations, I felt disappointed and hurt. To protect myself, I ended up demanding, arguing and criticizing. I was focusing on my needs so I did not know he wanted to be loved just the way he was. We both missed our good old days before our honeymoon was over. When our interactions were negative, we did not feel loved, and expected the other person to change. Before long, we thought and acted destructively, and our relationship went on a downward spiral with unhealthy patterns. We had no solution until we experienced Salvation and understood God’s unconditional love and acceptance.

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a KJV)

Now back to my granddaughter. I attribute our emotional bond to the time we spent together. I visited her almost once a week even though I had to drive two hours round trip. When she was 18 months old, she left for Africa with her parents, but we remained connected by keeping almost weekly contact via Skype the next three years. When she came back, it is like she never left.

On Chinese New Year, our son was out-of-town attending a conference. After church, we went to his in-law’s house to pick up his wife and kids for San Francisco. Our daughter-in-law wanted to drive. My granddaughter climbed into her carseat in the back row of the van. She patted the space next to her and said, “Nainai, here, come sit with me!”

While she handed me a bunch of plastic flowers saying “It’s for you, Nainai” with a big smile, her Mama explained, “Yesterday she wanted to buy these flowers for you instead of getting stickers for herself.” She made my day!

Although our two-years-old grandson was a little fussy, he settled down when James sat next to him in the middle row. (I guessed he liked Yeye better.) I focused on playing with our granddaughter. Before we knew it, we were there. As James and I thanked our daughter-in-law for driving, she thanked us for playing with her kids so that she could enjoy driving!

In the evening, we went to a Chinese restaurant. After getting off the van, I asked in a playful tone, “Who wants to hold Nainai’s hands?”

As expected, our granddaughter said “Me! Me!” But then I heard James said “Wait” so I stopped and turned around. I was pleasantly surprised when our grandson reached out and held my hand. AsYeye held his other hand, the four of us walked through the parking lot holding hands. By the way, physical touch is my secondary love language.

I so treasured that walk. You see, our grandson left the United States when he was merely one month old. I missed him so much. When he returned 11 months later, he already weighed 25 pounds and was no longer a baby. I delighted in watching him crawl, stand, and later climb up the four steps from our living room to the bedroom level. He could not walk downstairs so he learned to turn around facing the steps and crawl backward down. So cute!

Then they left again and we watched him grow via Skype. He was active and had short attention span. I sometimes wondered whether he even recognized us. Gradually, he uttered sounds like “Nainai” and I was happy even though he was just repeating what his parents or sister said. In the last few months, they prompted him to blow kisses, say “wab-yu” (his version of “love you”), wave his hands, and say “bye bye.”

By comparison, his big sister was able to sit still and converse over the Internet. We even sang and played the “Knock Knock -- Who’s there?” game. Sometimes I told her bedtime stories while her Mama was putting little brother to bed. When I turned the page, I put the book close to the web camera so that she could see the illustration. A few months ago, she started to tell me stories.

I discovered many other developments with our grandson. One afternoon, he called out, “Nainai, Nainai” on his own as he followed me into my bedroom. Later, when his Baba moved an empty toy box into the room, he ran to it, pushed the cover off, and climbed in head first. I applauded and he was proud. For the next few minutes, he alternately stretched himself out and curled up in delight. He turned his face so that sometimes he saw me and sometimes he didn’t. I got down to the floor and hid from his sight, peek-a-booing through openings on the sides of the boxes. He was laughing and giggling.

Yet another time, I held his hand when he walked four steps down from the bedroom level into the living room. I exclaimed, “Wow! Look at you. You can walk downstairs now!” At that, he let go of my hand, turned around, and swiftly walked up the steps by himself. Before I knew it, he was jumping down, one step at a time. I wish you could see the confident grin on his face!

Since they moved back into the house, I get to see him everyday. He still prefers his Mama. However, more often than not, whenever I start playing with his big sister, he joins us. One night, his sister wanted to play family. After some time, she wanted to drive her kids to school. So I set up our imaginary car with four chairs. She told us to get in and put on our seat belts, then she started to drive. After school, she said, “Now Nainai drive, but don’t forget your seat belt.” We took turn driving around town. Before long, her brother caught on and wanted to drive too. So we let him, and he really really loved driving.

There are too many stories to tell but I have to share our newest milestones. Three days ago, I was sitting in the living room by myself when he came to me. “Bok, bok” he said, pointed at another book that I have read to his Big Sister.

“Do you want Nainai to read you a book?”

He nodded, climbed up the sofa, and sat next to me. So I read and got him involved with the story. The next day, as I was going into my studio, he followed me on his own and stretched out his arm. I turned around and got down to his level so he could hug me. Suddenly he said, “NaiNai Wab-yu” and kissed me on my chin. I am so in love!

My mom died of heart failure when she was 48. She never saw my husband and son. Life is short. I am so grateful that I have a second chance with my family.

How about you? Are you enjoying your family? Do you have issues with someone due to unmet expectations or unrecognized differences? Have you tried loving and accepting them just the way they are? I know it is not easy. Write if you want me to pray for you.

If you understand Mandarin, please join me at BASS Church Workers Convention when I present two workshops on Saturday, March 9th, 2013:

1. “Making Your Good Marriage Great” in Rm N10 at 2:15 to 3:30 p.m.
2. “Parenting American-Born Chinese” in Rm N10 at 3:45 to 5:00 p.m.

Visit for more information on general sessions and workshops on March 7th to 9th (Thursday to Saturday) in Castro Valley. See you there!

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Want to reprint this article? No problem! Just make sure you include a complete attribution and, whenever possible, a live link to our website. Please notify Winnis where and when the material will appear. The attribution should include this information:

Winnis Chiang, founder of, is a relationship coach and licensed marriage & family therapist. She specializes in helping Mandarin and Cantonese speaking high-tech Christian parents to get along with, enjoy, equip and influence their American born Chinese children. 

Friday, February 15, 2013

Guard Your Heart!

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

Two weeks ago I feared for my life. It all started on Saturday, February 2nd. In the morning, my husband James, our son, and I were clearing out our “recreation-turned-storage” room, putting things into boxes and moving them into the garage. Around 11 a.m. or so, father and son went to the recycling center.

As soon as they left the house, I drove to Ranch 99 Market to purchase dimsum so that we could have lunch when they returned. I usually avoided going to crowded Chinese grocery stores on the weekends. That day, I felt dizzy driving around and around looking for parking space and was short of breath walking among the crowd. I just wanted to get out of there.

I got home just in time. They arrived when I was putting food on the table. The three of us ate together, just like the good old days. After lunch I said, “I have to take a nap. I felt dizzy at the market.”

“Mom, do you still want to play with the kids at 3 o’clock today?’

“Sure. I’d love to. I just need to take a nap. I’ll be there so that you can take your wife out on a date.”

Just a few days earlier, my son and his wife and two kids returned from Africa. Can you imagine my excitement of being reunited with them after one year? When we heard they might be coming back, James and I got busy planning to turn our storage room into a studio for ourselves so that the four of them could stay in the 2-bedroom apartment. But remodeling took time, so they had been living with parents of our daughter-in-law. Thank God that her parents live nearby. We celebrated our grandson’s second birthday two days after their return.

During the birthday party, I overheard my daughter-in-law telling her mom that our son wanted to take her out on a date on Saturday. When her mom told her that they already had plan, I jumped in and volunteered to watch the kids at their house!

So that Saturday afternoon, even though I had a hard time waking up from my nap, I drove to my in-laws house. My grandson cried a little bit when his mama left, but overall we had a great time. However, I did not feel like the normal me. Thank God that their parents were only gone for a couple of hours. I appreciate them for being so considerate!

I got home before six and went straight to bed, telling James to have dinner on his own. I slept until 7:05 a.m. the next morning even though I woke up twice in the night to go to the bathroom.

When I woke up, I felt fine except having great pain on my left upper arm. I was not surprised becasue I had been moving boxes around for a few weeks. I went to church with James for Sunday school and worship. After lunch, I drove a sister home. It was in the car that my lower back started to hurt really bad.

I knew I had to rest so I slept a lot. However, various symptoms persisted: left arm and back pain, nausea, dizzyiness, lower chest discomfort, upper abdominal pressure, sweating, shortness of breath, weakness, unusal fatigue, etc.

By Wednesday morning, I was concerned. I did a google search and found my symptoms matched that of “atypical” symptoms of heart attack in women which could be quite different from “typical” symptoms such as chest pressure or squeezing or stabbing sensations in the center or left side of the chest.

After reading, “Call 911 or go to the nearest Emergency Room!” I told James my fear of heart attack and he stopped everything he was doing. When he suggested me to call health advisory first, I got mad. My immediate thought was that he wanted to avoid taking me to the Emergency room so that he could go to his Bible fellowship that afternoon. But he quickly looked up the number and made the call, giving out information for me.

Right at that moment, our son came into the house. He was there to pick up their mails. He asked what was going on. I said I might be having a heart attack and Dad was calling advisory.

After some basic questions, the nurse referred me to speak with a doctor immediately. More questions. Since my symptoms started on Saturday, the doctor believed I was not having a heart attack at that moment. He advised me to visit my primary care doctor to check things out.

When the advising nurse asked, “Could you get there in 20 minutes?,” we said yes!

Before James and I hurried off, our son hugged me and prayed for me.

To make the long story short, I was examined and evaluated with EKG and blood test in record time, and got home before lunch hour. Our son was not there but he had washed all dirty dishes that were left in the sink. By mid afternoon, my primary doctor called. “Your blood test showed no sign of recent heart attack … your body was probably fighting some sort of virus even though you did not cough nor sneeze ... I will order a stress test on the treadmill for you … Just drink plenty of fluids and rest.”

Even though it was not a heart attack, my sudden illness reminded me to “keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” (Proverbs 4:23) as stated in the New King James translation.

In my weakness and fatigue, I had no strength to handle life. I had to rest and depend on others. When I got better last Friday, I spent time with James reflecting on what happened. At the moment that I was weak, I wanted to be loved and taken care of. I was scared and I did not want to call advisory. When James suggested to call, I got mad at him assuming that he wanted to avoid trouble while he wanted to make sure I received the most timely care. I lost sight of his love because my heart was worn out. That is a common issue among couples. When a person does not feel loved, it does not mean that she is not loved by her spouse. Often time, men approached circumstances differently. Somehow having the presence of a third party (e.g. our son, the nurse, the doctor), I was able to calm down and face the issues. How about always remembering God is with us?

It was great to have doctors who care, but I knew what comforted me the most was the love of my husband and our son. Even though our son loves his wife and children very much, and he has to focus on his work and ministry, I knew he would always love me as his mom. His simple acts of clearing up the house, moving boxes, praying for me, and without prompting, washing cumulative dirty dishes warmed my heart. I am so proud of his initiative. He has grown up to be a loving, mature, responsible and independent adult. All glory to God.

I often heard grandparents said, “the best part about having children is having grandchildren.” I’ll tell you more about my granddaughter and grandson in my next newsletter. But here is something I need to share for Valentine’s Day.

The last time I skyped with my granddaughter, her parents were putting little brother to bed. After I told a story, she wanted to show me her picture book. As she turned the pages, she said, “Look, this is me when I was small ... This is mama and baba … This is grandma and granddad … This is yeye and nainai.” She was reading a photo book of her family!

I so appreciate the wisdom and love and care that my son and daughter-in-law have for each other and for their children! I’m so glad that they did not fall into that trap of acquiring significance by performance and/or approval and hence losing their simple joy of being parents!

There is a Chinese saying, "You will only understand parental love when you parent your own child." Last Wednesday, when our son took the initiative to hug me, pray for me, and wash dishes, I know he loves me and understand my love and sacrifice.

My heart attack scare reminded me that I was not alone. Indeed I have to take care of myself so that I can take care of others. But it is even more important to hold on to the truth that God loves me and there are others who support me.

Parenting is not easy but you don’t have to wait until you’re a grandparent to enjoy life. Love your spouse and children now. Continue to love and treasure them, just as our Heavenly Father loves and treasures you! I am so relieved that in Christ, there is hope, help and healing.

Happy Chinese New Year and Valentine’s Day!

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Want to reprint this article? No problem! Just make sure you include a complete attribution and, whenever possible, a live link to our website. Please notify Winnis where and when the material will appear. The attribution should include this information:

Winnis Chiang, founder of, is a relationship coach and licensed marriage & family therapist. She specializes in helping Mandarin and Cantonese speaking high-tech Christian parents to get along with, enjoy, equip and influence their American born Chinese children. 

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Raising Princes and Princesses

It is difficult to write this newsletter. Like many of you, I am deeply affected by the horrific shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut.

My heart ached for the innocent children who went to school that fatal morning. I could not imagine anyone killing a child who was only 6 or 7-year-old, let alone twenty kids. All of them were shot multiple times, and one was shot 11 times. I pained for the trauma that would affect the whole school, community and our nation for years to come.

How could Adam Lanza take the lives of so many, including that of his own mother? Everyone is trying to look for answers, but investigation will take months. What could his mother, Nancy Lanza, have done differently?

Whatever the mental status of Adam Lanza was, the Bible reminded us that "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23).

I mourned with the victims' parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, siblings, friends, teachers, and neighbors. It is hard to see anyone so vibrant, healthy and happy to have their life snatched away. When I heard the news, I immediately wanted to hug my son, his wife and their children. How about you?

But in the midst of darkness, there is light. Like many of you, I was grateful for the principal, psychologist, and teachers who gave their lives to protect children.

Did you find it hard to explain tragedy and evil to your child? It was difficult to go to school to face teasing, isolation, bullying, now kids are afraid of being shot to death. No wonder some kids wanted to take things into their own hands, like the sixth grade boy who brought a gun to school to protect his school.

Life is precious. Time is short. Do you think your child is too young to hear the Good News? Please don't wait!

Christmas is the perfect time to tell the story of how Jesus, the Son of God, came from Heaven to earth to save us! Read Luke 1-2 from the Bible with your children. You can decide on how many verses to go through, depending on their age. Everyone loves stories. Let them know how the first coming of Jesus was prophesized in the Old Testament. It was foretold:
"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." (Isaiah 9:6)

You could tell them more about Jesus from passages such as "The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world ... The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John 1:9-14)

In Chinese, the phrase "crisis" consists of the characters for danger (wei) and opportunirty (ji). Again, I pondered upon the question of how to "Train up a child in the way he should go..." (Proverbs 22:6). I thought about parents who told me all they wanted was for their children to be healthy and happy, but somehow ended up pushing them for success in this world.

If you were one of them, stop and think. How do you define success in life? Consider the following quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson.

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition. To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; this is to have succeeded."

Ultimately, only God can provide for and protect our children. During this holiday, don't forget to share with your child that Jesus Christ is the reason for this season. Our children need to know that while there is darkness in this world, there is also light. There is peace in Christ as promised by the Prince of Peace.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

Do you want to raise princes and princesses?

There is only one way -- "Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God" (John 1:12).

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Want to reprint this article? No problem! Just make sure you include a complete attribution and, whenever possible, a live link to our website. Please notify Winnis where and when the material will appear. The attribution should include this information:

Winnis Chiang, founder of, is a relationship coach and licensed marriage & family therapist. She specializes in helping Mandarin and Cantonese speaking high-tech Christian parents to get along with, enjoy, equip and influence their American born Chinese children. 

Saturday, November 03, 2012

When Life Seems So Out-of-Control

Is your life affected by Hurricane Sandy? Even if you live in the West Coast, I'm sure you directly or indirectly know someone in East Coast. Both James and I have relatives and friends in New York and New Jersey.

What could we do? We called. We wrote e-mails. We prayed. We waited. Then slowly but surely, we got in touch.

My brother left voice message, "Hi sis, we're okay but power is out."
James' sister and brother-in-law sent e-mail with same message.
Another sister in San Francisco shared, "my daughter texted 'alive' to me."

Simple words. But we were relieved that our loved ones are safe!

Life is more than surviving from day to day, when one need is met, we move to another. First we worry about physical safety, then we want electricity and gas. But when people are suffering, it is not the time to lecture them saying, "Don't be angry, ... Don't take things for granted, ... you should be grateful to be alive!"

I thought of the time that I was depressed when James could not understand my suffering and pain. Yes we had achieved the American dream, but I was dying inside and nobody knew. How I needed a miracle to start all over again.

Because of my experience, I have learned to not rush to judgment when people are devastated and are in despair. I am careful not to add insults to injury when others are suffering beyond my imagination. But sometimes, out of my own anxiety, I tried too hard to help. Did that ever happen to you too?

It saddened me to know even with the best intention, sometimes we could actually hurt people unknowingly when we were trying to help. What can I do? When I get anxious about not being able to help, I remind myself that I am just a fellow human being. Only our Lord Jesus is the Savior. So I stop. So I slow down, pray, and wait.

Amazingly, even people I thought I could not help were indeed helped, directly or indirectly! As Christians, we need to live out our new life with grace and truth. Over time, our God who is loving and faithful, will bring hope, help and healing through people who are willing to be used by Him to bless others. The word of God helps me to put things in perspective.

"These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come. So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." (1 Corinthians 10:11-13)

All families face pressure. For couples who have immigrated to the United States, there are additional cultural, language, and other factors that affect their family interactions. Are you facing parenting and/or marital issues? I would like to invite you to Sunday workshops in Los Altos and San Jose area. I'm the speaker for both events.

Workshop #1 in Mandarin
Parenting ABC - How to help your kids become matured independent adults
6:00 to 7:15 p.m. Sunday, November 4, 2012
Bridges Community Church (Family Center)
625 Magdalena Avenue, Los Altos, CA 94024
Free. No registration required.

Workshop #2 in Cantonese
Making Your Good Marriage Great!
2-4 p.m. Sunday, November 18, 2012
Friendship Agape Church
5150 Camden Avenue, San Jose, CA 95124
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Our relatives and friends survived Hurricane Sandy. But not everyone is so lucky, and our hearts and prayers go to everyone who is suffering. If you want me to pray for someone you are worrying about (whether it is relating to the recent storm or not), please e-mail me. Even though I may not have time to reply to every e-mail, I will pray!

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Want to reprint this article? No problem! Just make sure you include a complete attribution and, whenever possible, a live link to our website. Please notify Winnis where and when the material will appear. The attribution should include this information:

Winnis Chiang, LMFT and Founder of, specializes in helping Mandarin- and Cantonese-speaking high-tech Christian parents to get along with, enjoy, influence and equip their American-born Chinese children.