Don't Give Up

What a joy it was to meet many of you at the BASS convention! Other than giving four workshops, I attended a few workshops and the general session on Saturday morning. From the BASS website, I read that Francis Chan is the pastor a church and the president of a Bible college. At the convention, we found out that he started a church with his wife about 2 months after their wedding some 13 years ago. Now they have four kids, planted many churches and have a congregation of over 4000 people.

With a shaved head and jeans, Pastor Chan did not look the stereotype Asian American pastor. What were his first words on the pulpit? He looked at Don Moen, our worship leader (by now sitting in the pew) and uttered, “I’m so glad you went first.” Everyone burst into laughter.

What Francis was referring to is an episode you would miss unless you were there. You see, the praise team leader introduced Don by saying, “… Don does not know we don’t wear jeans at BASS … I told our praise team that they could also wear jeans at BASS too after they sold 9 million records.” Don went up the platform and apologized “I am sorry about wearing jeans. I didn’t know … I wore the same pair of pants for three days and I just wanted to change.”

So often, we look at the outside and we assume we know a person. If you were there, you probably would agree with me that the worship and the message that morning edified believers and glorified God. No doubt there were people who thought wearing jeans (as speaker and worship leader) was inappropriate, but whose rules are we applying? Even though their outward appearances did not match some people’s personal, cultural, or stereotype expectations, both Francis and Don were respectful and authentic. They were not mocking people when they apologized. I saw humility and humanness in them.

Francis shared the joy and sorrows, triumphs and pains of serving. He illustrated his points by his own frequent thoughts of quitting and the lives of three people (age 90+, 42, and 9) whose funerals he recently conducted. He knows ministry is not easy but he exhorted us to hold on to our faith and serve our Lord and Savior towards the end. It is not just what we do but who we really are as persons!

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." (Galatians 6:7-10)

Although he was speaking to ministry workers and volunteers, I believe parents are facing similar struggles and difficulties. It is not easy to raise children in this world nowadays, especially when we came from overseas and our kids and teens were born and raised in today’s culture in the United States. I thought about my fellow believers who want to pass our faith onto our children. What are we teaching our kids?

Through the “Developing Emotional Intelligence” workshop, I hope parents and teachers learn how EQ will affect your child’s growth at home, in school, and later in life. From a young age, we need to teach our kids self and other awareness and develop connected and loving relationships with God, self and others. In my blog entry on March 7, 2007, I have included links to three articles in the Christian newspaper “Gospel Herald.” One of those features my EQ workshop.

The world is going to put doubts in the minds of our children. We need to show them how to live by faith and hold on to our faith in spite of what is happening around us. To prepare our children for the future, we have to gradually give each of them more responsibility and freedom within an expanding boundary (as they grow older and older). We need to take a proactive stance to train them to think and feel. In many Asian families, parents focus on accomplishments and rational talks, paying little attention to emotional needs, healthy interactions, and spiritual growth. As we model healthy ways to communicate and resolve conflicts in our own lives in an atmosphere of love and acceptance, we teach our children and teenagers about making choices and the natural consequences of behaviors. We have to own up and learn from our mistakes. We have to apologize for our wrong doings, whether intentional or not.

Let’s say your son likes tossing baseballs outside your home. You have asked him to be careful and stay away from windows. One day he breaks your neighbor's window. The old lady gets angry and yelled. Your son is scared. The natural reactions are to fight (e.g. blame) or flight (deny and withdraw). How can we lovingly show him how to face the truth, apologize, and ask for forgiveness? What to do with the broken windows? Should he pay for repairs from his allowance or by doing extra chores? Stand by him, love him, but don't bail him out. He will learn a valuable lesson of ownership and consideration for others.

"No pain, no gain!" Parenting is not easy. It takes time, discipline and endurance. Don't forget that some lessons can only be learned personally. For example, when your teenage daughter does not want to get out of bed for school, remind her but don’t nag. Sooner or later, her school will warn her of consequences for repeated tardiness. It is better for her to learn to get up on her own at home than when she goes to college.

Our attention was directed to the phrase “at the proper time” in Galatians 6. While the world is looking for quick fix and instant gratification, ministry (e.g. developing people, marriage and parenting) takes time and energy. Doing the right thing is not always easy. Often time we lose patience as we wait upon the Lord. However, God has promised that at the proper time (e.g. in His time, not ours), we will reap a harvest based on what we have sown. He cannot be mocked.

Francis told the sad story of a former youth group student. Now age 37, she is devastated by the news that her 60-year-old Christian dad wanted to divorce her mom for a younger woman. She is losing faith in her dad and in God!

Our sons and daughters are always watching us. Let us be faithful in big and little things. God understands what we are going through and one day will tell us, “Well done, good and faithful servant! … Come and share your master's happiness!” (Matthew 25:21 and 25:23). Therefore, whatever you are doing in the Lord, don’t give up!

Copyright © 2005-2007 Winnis Chiang, Parenting ABC, all rights reserved