Guard Your Heart!

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

Two weeks ago I feared for my life. It all started on Saturday, February 2nd. In the morning, my husband James, our son, and I were clearing out our “recreation-turned-storage” room, putting things into boxes and moving them into the garage. Around 11 a.m. or so, father and son went to the recycling center.

As soon as they left the house, I drove to Ranch 99 Market to purchase dimsum so that we could have lunch when they returned. I usually avoided going to crowded Chinese grocery stores on the weekends. That day, I felt dizzy driving around and around looking for parking space and was short of breath walking among the crowd. I just wanted to get out of there.

I got home just in time. They arrived when I was putting food on the table. The three of us ate together, just like the good old days. After lunch I said, “I have to take a nap. I felt dizzy at the market.”

“Mom, do you still want to play with the kids at 3 o’clock today?’

“Sure. I’d love to. I just need to take a nap. I’ll be there so that you can take your wife out on a date.”

Just a few days earlier, my son and his wife and two kids returned from Africa. Can you imagine my excitement of being reunited with them after one year? When we heard they might be coming back, James and I got busy planning to turn our storage room into a studio for ourselves so that the four of them could stay in the 2-bedroom apartment. But remodeling took time, so they had been living with parents of our daughter-in-law. Thank God that her parents live nearby. We celebrated our grandson’s second birthday two days after their return.

During the birthday party, I overheard my daughter-in-law telling her mom that our son wanted to take her out on a date on Saturday. When her mom told her that they already had plan, I jumped in and volunteered to watch the kids at their house!

So that Saturday afternoon, even though I had a hard time waking up from my nap, I drove to my in-laws house. My grandson cried a little bit when his mama left, but overall we had a great time. However, I did not feel like the normal me. Thank God that their parents were only gone for a couple of hours. I appreciate them for being so considerate!

I got home before six and went straight to bed, telling James to have dinner on his own. I slept until 7:05 a.m. the next morning even though I woke up twice in the night to go to the bathroom.

When I woke up, I felt fine except having great pain on my left upper arm. I was not surprised becasue I had been moving boxes around for a few weeks. I went to church with James for Sunday school and worship. After lunch, I drove a sister home. It was in the car that my lower back started to hurt really bad.

I knew I had to rest so I slept a lot. However, various symptoms persisted: left arm and back pain, nausea, dizzyiness, lower chest discomfort, upper abdominal pressure, sweating, shortness of breath, weakness, unusal fatigue, etc.

By Wednesday morning, I was concerned. I did a google search and found my symptoms matched that of “atypical” symptoms of heart attack in women which could be quite different from “typical” symptoms such as chest pressure or squeezing or stabbing sensations in the center or left side of the chest.

After reading, “Call 911 or go to the nearest Emergency Room!” I told James my fear of heart attack and he stopped everything he was doing. When he suggested me to call health advisory first, I got mad. My immediate thought was that he wanted to avoid taking me to the Emergency room so that he could go to his Bible fellowship that afternoon. But he quickly looked up the number and made the call, giving out information for me.

Right at that moment, our son came into the house. He was there to pick up their mails. He asked what was going on. I said I might be having a heart attack and Dad was calling advisory.

After some basic questions, the nurse referred me to speak with a doctor immediately. More questions. Since my symptoms started on Saturday, the doctor believed I was not having a heart attack at that moment. He advised me to visit my primary care doctor to check things out.

When the advising nurse asked, “Could you get there in 20 minutes?,” we said yes!

Before James and I hurried off, our son hugged me and prayed for me.

To make the long story short, I was examined and evaluated with EKG and blood test in record time, and got home before lunch hour. Our son was not there but he had washed all dirty dishes that were left in the sink. By mid afternoon, my primary doctor called. “Your blood test showed no sign of recent heart attack … your body was probably fighting some sort of virus even though you did not cough nor sneeze ... I will order a stress test on the treadmill for you … Just drink plenty of fluids and rest.”

Even though it was not a heart attack, my sudden illness reminded me to “keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” (Proverbs 4:23) as stated in the New King James translation.

In my weakness and fatigue, I had no strength to handle life. I had to rest and depend on others. When I got better last Friday, I spent time with James reflecting on what happened. At the moment that I was weak, I wanted to be loved and taken care of. I was scared and I did not want to call advisory. When James suggested to call, I got mad at him assuming that he wanted to avoid trouble while he wanted to make sure I received the most timely care. I lost sight of his love because my heart was worn out. That is a common issue among couples. When a person does not feel loved, it does not mean that she is not loved by her spouse. Often time, men approached circumstances differently. Somehow having the presence of a third party (e.g. our son, the nurse, the doctor), I was able to calm down and face the issues. How about always remembering God is with us?

It was great to have doctors who care, but I knew what comforted me the most was the love of my husband and our son. Even though our son loves his wife and children very much, and he has to focus on his work and ministry, I knew he would always love me as his mom. His simple acts of clearing up the house, moving boxes, praying for me, and without prompting, washing cumulative dirty dishes warmed my heart. I am so proud of his initiative. He has grown up to be a loving, mature, responsible and independent adult. All glory to God.

I often heard grandparents said, “the best part about having children is having grandchildren.” I’ll tell you more about my granddaughter and grandson in my next newsletter. But here is something I need to share for Valentine’s Day.

The last time I skyped with my granddaughter, her parents were putting little brother to bed. After I told a story, she wanted to show me her picture book. As she turned the pages, she said, “Look, this is me when I was small ... This is mama and baba … This is grandma and granddad … This is yeye and nainai.” She was reading a photo book of her family!

I so appreciate the wisdom and love and care that my son and daughter-in-law have for each other and for their children! I’m so glad that they did not fall into that trap of acquiring significance by performance and/or approval and hence losing their simple joy of being parents!

There is a Chinese saying, "You will only understand parental love when you parent your own child." Last Wednesday, when our son took the initiative to hug me, pray for me, and wash dishes, I know he loves me and understand my love and sacrifice.

My heart attack scare reminded me that I was not alone. Indeed I have to take care of myself so that I can take care of others. But it is even more important to hold on to the truth that God loves me and there are others who support me.

Parenting is not easy but you don’t have to wait until you’re a grandparent to enjoy life. Love your spouse and children now. Continue to love and treasure them, just as our Heavenly Father loves and treasures you! I am so relieved that in Christ, there is hope, help and healing.

Happy Chinese New Year and Valentine’s Day!

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Winnis Chiang, founder of ParentingABC.com, is a relationship coach and licensed marriage & family therapist. She specializes in helping Mandarin and Cantonese speaking high-tech Christian parents to get along with, enjoy, equip and influence their American born Chinese children.