Give Thanks Even in Tough Times

Thanksgiving, Anyone?

Mumbai terrorists attacked and massacred, Florida teenager committed suicide on webcam as others watched, a laid-off Silicon Valley test engineer shot and killed three ex-co-workers, an unemployed man in Los Angeles killed his family and himself. We are disturbed by such shocking news! Closer to home, everyone know people who are affected by credit debts, unemployment, foreclosure, cancer, depression, marital conflict, and parenting challenges.

Hurting people! Families in pain! If you found it hard to celebrate Thanksgiving, you are not alone. Bombarded with bad news everyday, who is in the mood of giving thanks? In the last nineteen years, Thanksgiving has become my favorite holiday of the year. But I dreaded Thanksgiving as it approached last year. Let me clarify, it isn't like I did not want Thanksgiving, just that I wished it happened on my timetable.

On November 13, 2007, my husband James had vitrectomy surgery on his left eye. With a gas bubble in his eye, he had to keep his face down. Due to various complications, we were visiting the doctor almost every day post surgery. I was so pre-occupied with his health that I did not realize Thanksgiving was on November 22, one week before I expected (although it was still the fourth Thursday of November).

When it was clear that we had to skip our family gathering with my in-laws in San Francisco, I felt very sad. How could we miss this happy event, especially when our daughter-in-law (the August bride) would be joining our family for the first time?

Expectation, Comparison and Contrast

With whom to spend the holidays are often tough decisions for newly wed couples. In 1975, a foreign student from Hong Kong married an immigrant from Taiwan. It was her first Thanksgiving with her husband's parents, sisters and brother, and she was unhappy.

I was that girl. Why unhappy? For one thing, at that time I only knew James' family for a few months. For another, theirs is a close-knit Mandarin speaking family. Even though they tried their best to talk with me in English and their versions of Cantonese, I still felt left out somehow. The factor that affected me the most was from within. I couldn't help but think of my family in Hong Kong, and gravely missed my mom who passed away earlier that month.

After becoming a Christian in 1989, I experienced a new sense of belonging. The next few years we attended our church’s winter retreats in the mountains during the Thanksgiving weekend. When the annual retreats were moved to the summer, we resumed spending Thanksgiving with my in-laws. With renewed perspective and attitude, I was able to enjoy James' side of the family just as mine. We attended every Thanksgiving family reunion. That is, until last year when James and I stayed home by ourselves.

On Friday morning, our phone rang. "Hi Mom and Dad, can we visit you tonight for dinner? We would bring left over from last night." Although it was delayed, we were able to celebrate and give thanks with Scott and his bride. I was so happy!

Since then, James' left eye has regained good vision in spite of long history of high near-sightedness. So when his right eye was diagnosed with macular hole in the summer, we anticipated the best outcome. Unexpectedly, James' right eye suffered retinal detachments and other complications, and having to endure three operations and many in-clinic procedures.

During our visits, sometimes I asked our doctor questions that had no real answers. But he shared words of wisdom such as, (1) "If you are not used to feeling pain, then any pain could be a big deal. It’s all about contrast." (2) "Let's say his right eye did not get unlucky. Let's say his left eye got lucky. It is all about expectation."

It Does Not Have to be the End

United States is facing unprecedented tough time. People panic in bad news and worry about unknowns. Fear and high anxiety generate more conflicts, fear and anxiety in our society. On Friday, November 14, 2008, Jing Hua Wu shot and killed the CEO, VP of Operations, and Head of Human Resources of a Silicon Valley start up where he used to be a product test engineer.

I watched the shocking news in disbelief. One of Wu's neighbors told a TV reporter, "That is scary! Our company just announced plan to lay off 6000 employees."

Apparently, Wu (age 47) has a wife and three young children. And there were reports that he has investment properties in three States. During this real estate downturn, his properties become significant financial woes. But did he have to kill?

Humans are emotional beings whose actions sometimes defy logic and rational thinking. In severe frustration, people might take insane actions. Consider the Los Angeles man (age 45) who killed his wife, mother-in-law and three children before killing himself. He used to be an investment consultant with a MBA degree. His kids were 19, 12 and 7. What was the man thinking?

Life is Worth the Living and Waiting

While some people make things worse by taking things in their own hands, others ride the waves of storms and boldly face problems in life. Joseph, whose life was described in the book of Genesis in the Bible, had an amazing life story.

Joseph was his dad's favorite son among twelve and had a multi-color coat to prove it. His older brothers were so jealous and mad at him that they sold him into slavery. But Joseph did his best even as a slave and became the steward of the household of an important official of Pharaoh. Then his master's wife tried to seduce him. When Joseph escaped her advances, she cried rape and got him jailed. But Joseph continued his good attitude and behavior and was put in charge of other prisoners.

Joseph faced many mistreatments before he was eventually made the prime minister of Egypt. Even in tough times, the 17-years-old son-turned-slave grew into an honorable 30-years-old man by trusting his God. He waited for about 13 years!

How did Joseph get elevated to his high position? He interpreted two of Pharaoh's dreams. Both dreams predicted seven years of abundance followed by seven years of famine. Joseph not only explained those dreams, he suggested Pharaoh to appoint someone wise to store up food during the good years. And Pharaoh chose him. Finally Joseph and his family reunited in Egypt.

After the death of their father, Joseph's older brothers were scared to death anticipating his revenge. They offered themselves as his slaves. But Joseph reassures them with these words. "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children" (Genesis 50:19-21).

Value Life’s Blessings, Big or Small

If we focus only on bad news, we will miss blessings and kindness around us. If we focus on dark clouds, we will forget there are silver linings, and may be rainbows afterwards. Danger could become opportunity. Crisis is often a blessing in disguise.

On October 15, 2008, James had a follow-up exam. He described how his right eye was often irritated. And the doctor reminded us that the silicone oil (placed into his eye to keep his retina attached) had to be taken out sooner or later. Therefore, another surgery was scheduled for November 18, 2008.

This surgery was supposed to be simple, and face down was not required during recovery. However, during his pre-op checkup (on November 17), the doctor found scar tissues in the front of the retina, causing a small tear and threatening another retinal detachment. "I would insert a gas bubble to keep the retina dry and flat around the macular hole after removing the silicone oil and the scar tissues. You are not traveling in the next 6-8 weeks, right?" That meant more facing down! Nevertheless, we thank God for timely discovery of the retinal tear before it got worse.

Count Blessings and Give Thanks

It is indeed a challenging time. However, don't take it for granted that we could breathe, eat, drink, think, feel, and move around. Last night, James and I went to San Francisco to celebrate Thanksgiving with his family. And our precious little granddaughter was there with her mommy, daddy, Ye Ye (James) and Nai Nai (that is me!) and two generations of uncles and aunts. She spent the night with Tai Nai Nai (i.e. James’ mother) last night.

I'm happy to drive home with James because I was exhausted the last few days. I finally had a good night sleep and find time to write. Even though I wished I could publish my Thanksgiving edition before the holiday, I knew there were things more important in life than work, material processions, money, and my own timetable!

During this Thanksgiving season, would you join me to count blessings and share thanks? Try these questions. Tell a friend, a family member, or write me.

1. What one biggest gift (tangible or intangible) have you received this year?
2. What two things changed your life this year?
3. What three incidents help you grow in your faith this year?
4. What four blessings in your home should you thank God for?
5. What five happy experiences have you had?
6. What six things created by God are things that we cannot live without?
7. Who are seven people, outside of your home, for whom you are most thankful?

You could probably guess my answer to question #1. Of course it is our granddaughter!

Let me share my answers to question #2. What two things changed my life this year? One of them is my husband's eye diagnosis, treatment and recovery. You already heard about it a lot. I am more amazed at God’s creation once I appreciate the complexity of the eye. I am not taking things (like eye sight) for granted as before, and I am trying to be more loving, kind and tender towards James. The second change is similar. I am reminded that life is not under our control, even though I should have known long time ago.

What happened? On Tuesday, November 4, one sister from our church was air-lifted to Stanford ICU after some strangers discovered her unable to speak and could not move the right side of her body. Amazingly, this young mother of a 7-years-old son came out of ICU, went into rehab for therapies, and was recovering so well that she was discharged by the Rehab Center on Tuesday, November 25.

When they were almost home, she started feeling dizzy in the car. Resting at home did not help. She experienced similar symptoms as the day of her stroke. Her husband dialed 911. She was sent to the local hospital. He called James and asked me to stay with their son so that he could stay with her. It was almost midnight. Initially I tossed and turned, all I could do was to pray, besides seeking comfort by reciting and singing Psalm 23 and 73.

To make the long story short, she walked into her home the next morning. My heart was filled with thanksgiving as we hugged each other for a long time, sharing tears of joy. All I could do was pat her on the back and thank God. What a wonderful gift of life. It was around 7:20 a.m. on Wednesday, November 26, 2008.

It is hard to imagine what you and I are going through each day. I hope my sharing helps you know that it is okay to admit we are mere human beings. God gives each of us life for His purpose. Don't take simple blessings for granted. Life is worth living!

I am so grateful to be alive! Thank you for reading my newsletter. If you feel lonely, reach out to someone and share simple kindness. Above all, don't lose hope!

On my way home that early morning, these verses popped up in my mind. "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness" (Lamentations 3:21-23).

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