Parenting with a Purpose

Are you unhappy how your marital relationship has deteriorated after your baby arrived? Are you tired of heated arguments or emotional coldness from your spouse? You are not alone! Millions of couples agree that parenting have strained their marriage. Instead of feeling loved and supported, many couples escalate into conflicts, resentments, separation and even divorce due to normal stresses such as mundane routines, financial and career demands, fatigue, sleep deprivation, and day care arrangements, not to mention other issues involving grandparents, in-laws, and personal developmental pains and traumas.

Parenting takes time, energy and money. It stirs up a lot of feelings, tests the core of our beings, and brings out the best and the worst in every couple. When our kids are at stake, we take things personally, and argue about who is right and who is wrong. We don't have the time nor the patience to hear each other out, let alone resolving conflicts. When we cannot enjoy each other, we feel tense and annoyed. As frustration turns into hurt and disappointment, we sometimes question why we got married in the first place, and why are we working so hard to provide for and take care of our family.

That was how I felt twenty some years ago before our son turned six. Now I am amazed with gratefulness how our little boy has grown up to be a responsible husband and father! Just last night, James and I experienced great joy talking and laughing with his family of four on Skype. I am so satisfied that our hearts are connected and I don't have to worry about them even though we are physically thousands of miles away and continents apart.

Do you want to get along with your kids, enjoy your teenagers, and influence them for the long haul? Don't let past disappointments and current challenges hijack your marital satisfaction! Come to a parenting workshop (in Mandarin) to share common concerns and learn how to break your downward escalating cycle of unhealthy interactive patterns.

In her book, "Battle Hymn of the tiger mother," Amy Chua shared that as a Chinese mother, there were somethings that she never allowed her daughters to do. For examples,

Attend a sleepover
Have a playdate
Be in a school play
Complain about not being in a school play
Watch TV or play computer games
Choose their own extracurricular activities
Get any grade less than an A
Not be the #1 student in every subject except gym and drama
Play any instrument other than the piano or violin
Not play the piano or violin

As it turned out, Amy is an American Born Chinese and many of her parenting styles and values were instilled in her from her parents. They came to the United States in 1961 when her dad studied for his Ph.D. Afterward, he became professor at Purdue and later at U.C. Berkeley.

This workshop will start with Amy's child rearing experience and explore strategies and ways to refocus on parenting so that you could re-evaluate and rebuild your relationship as a couple and parents, rekindle your love, and communicate so that both of you get what you really, really want. Your kids will be happier when their parents are happy and having FUN functioning as a team while your whole family grows together!

Times have changed from the days when Amy was growing up with her family as outsiders. But some of the ABC children, teenagers and young adults today have lost their purpose and motivation. How can parents help them appropriately so that they become mature responsible and independent adults that parents do not have to worry about? There will be practical tips to improve your relationship with your kids, especially teenagers.

Title: Parenting ABC -- Equipping the Next Generation
Date: Saturday, April 23, 2011
Time: 10:00 a.m. to 12:00 noon
Place: Tien Dao Christian Bookstore
10883-B South Blaney Ave,
Cupertino, CA 95014
(408)446-1668

Free registration: Please e-mail rev.paulyung@gmail.com (first come, first serve)

Last month, my article "Love So Amazing" ...
You know how Jesus Christ my Savior and Lord changed things around. I will use Amy's list to start the talk but I will share my personal and professional experience helping kids, teenagers young adults, and parents as an marriage and family therapist, a coach and mentor, and a pastoral counselor around the world.

I appreciate seeing some of you at the BASS convention and the Discipleship Training conference in March. You know my journey as a wife and mother. I hope you will join me. If you don't speak Mandarin, please forward this to a friend who does. A more detailed write up about the workshop in Chinese is available at
http://winnischiang.blogspot.com/

Happy Easter!

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Want to reprint this article? No problem! Just make sure you include a complete attribution and, whenever possible, a live link to our website. Please notify Winnis where and when the material will appear. The attribution should include this information:

Winnis Chiang, MA, MFT, Founder and Director of Parenting ABC, is a
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. She specializes in helping
Mandarin- and Cantonese-speaking parents to get along with, enjoy,
and influence their American Born Chinese children. Reach her at
ParentingABC.com.