Appreciating and Remembering Moms

Where were you on Mother’s Day? I was in Asia serving alongside my husband. He preached that Sunday morning at a church. In the afternoon and evening, we met with co-workers at someone’s house. Nobody mentioned Mother’s Day. Even I forgot about it. Late at night, when I finally logged onto e-mail, I picked up an e-card with this personal note.

“Happy Mother's Day! You are a great mother and grandmother. All of us love you very much. Thank you for being my mother in every time of life and for parenting this ABC. I pray you can continue to enjoy God's love in this family for you. I hope your trip is going well! Love, your son.”

Imagine how happy and satisfied I felt. Praise the Lord for His love and faithfulness. You see, heart-to-heart connection and peace of mind were the overarching goals I set for our relationship many years before our son left home for college in 2001.

In remembrance of my mom, I submitted a Chinese article in April for Herald Monthly. It was published in their May (Mother’s Day) edition and I have posted it at WinnisChiang.blogspot.com . Here is the English version of “Love that Initiates Reconciliation”.

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It was late August, 1973. The day before I left Hong Kong for California, my mom insisted on ironing each and every one of my blouses. I was packing in the room when suddenly I heard her screaming, "Oh, no! "

I rushed in and immediately saw the burnt mark on my yellow blouse. I could not help shouting, "Mommy! Why did you do that?" After my outburst, I hurriedly fled the scene to cover up my frustration and disappointment.

I was overwhelemed with mixed emotions. On the one hand, I was devastated to lose my favorite piece of clothing. That yellow silk blouse had pointed collars and a pattern of cute little white elephants. Often times, it was the envy of my classmates and friends. With one burnt collar, how could I ever wear it again? On the other hand, I saw mommy’s pale face. Knowing how much she loved me, how could I blow up at her right before leaving for college in the United States?

My mom suffered from rheumatic heart disease since her early twenties. Her doctors discouraged her from having children. After I was born, my grandmother told my father, "Two daughters in a row? Go elsewhere if you want a son." Dad soon had an extramarital affair, and his mistress gave birth to a boy when I was only one year old. Mom failed at many attempts to turn dad around. Eventually she accepted her fate and dad’s concubine in order to provide for her daughters. Growing up, I was mom’s confidante, hope, and future. After nine years of trying, she finally gave birth to a son.

Tears were running down my face as I sat in guilt. My blouse was destroyed and mom’s heart was broken. "Why did I do that?"

I sat dejected when mom came into the room. With a gentle voice she said to me, "Your blouse is okay. Look!” With a big smile she held up the blouse, showing off her skillful repair. She had cut the burnt tip off and made both pointed collars curved! Soon I was laughing instead of crying.

The next day we hugged and bid farewell. I never saw my mom again. She died of heart failure two years later. Although I got married by then, I was still in college.Therefore, I never had a chance to fulfil my promises such as buying her a big house and taking her to travel around the world. I still feel sad that she had never seen my husband, my son, and now my grandchildren. My biggest regret is that, as far as I know, my mom (probably) did not know the Lord Jesus Christ. Nevertheless, I will never forget how she took initiative to reconcile with me. To this day, her love lives in me and here is something I would tell her from my heart:

“Dear Mom, Thank you for your love with such understanding and acceptance. In so many ways, big and small, you sacrificed for me. You believed in me and encouraged me to leave home for a better future. Your love helped me years later to understand a greater love.”

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I wrote that Chinese article for Mother’s Day, but it is also fitting for Memorial Day. How about you? Who are you thinking of? Has anyone sacrificed for you?

Whatever your answer is, please don’t forget that, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

How can parents raise their children to become mature, responsible and independent adults? That was the talk I gave on April 23 at Tien Dao Bookstore entitled, “Parenting ABC -- Equipping the Next Generation.”

I appreciate those of you who made time to attend in spite of your busy schedule. For those who missed it, I would be glad to give the same talk in Mandarin, Cantonese, or English at your own event as my schedule allows.

Tiger Mom Amy Chua changed her mind and actions about extremely strict parenting after her second daughter rebelled. While some Westerners are wondering whether they should be more strict as parents, many Easterners are studying Amy’s book as a journey of adjusting to reality. East or West, each of us holds the key to influencing our own children.

May God help you to get along with your kids, enjoy your teenagers, and influence your children for years to come!

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Want to reprint this article? No problem! Just make sure you include a complete attribution and, whenever possible, a live link to our website. Please notify Winnis where and when the material will appear. The attribution should include this information:

Winnis Chiang, MA, MFT, Founder and Director of Parenting ABC, is a
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. She specializes in helping
Mandarin- and Cantonese-speaking parents to get along with, enjoy,
and influence their American Born Chinese children. Reach her at
ParentingABC.com.