Honoring and Remembering Dads

Even though my father passed away in 1986, I still have mixed feelings whenever I think of him.

In my early ages, I heard about how dad betrayed mom for another woman (who became his concubine). I felt rejected by him knowing that my half-brother was born when I was one. "Having a son" was the excuse to justify the affair, but it damaged my identity as a girl. Mom dressed me in boy's clothings when I was small and treated me as her confidant when I was growing up. Feeling insignificant, I tried very hard to be better than boys academically, athletically, and socially. I wanted to please my dad and grandma, and to honor my mom.

Mom urged me to be independent, and to never rely on my husband when I got married. Until I was saved by Jesus Christ in 1989, I was living in the shadow of her experience. I almost lost my husband and family because of my fear, insecurity, and lack of trust.

The tragedies in my family of origin exposed me to human darkness and struggles. There were times that I hated my dad, even though I always love him. When I became a young mother, the conflicts between my parents became the backdrop of every conflict between my husband and me. I got triggered easily.

We tend to carry unhealthy thoughts, feelings and behaviors from generations to generations. Many of my clients came to me because of the pain of betrayal to themselves or to their moms. So on this Father’s Day, I would like to remind everyone to watch out and run from temptation.

In his book, "The Measure of a Man," author Gene Getz offers tips for a Christian man to remain faithful to one wife:

1. Develop good communications with your wife.

2. Do not set up conflict situations by deliberately exposing yourself to temptation.

3. Fortify yourself through regular study of the Word of God and prayer.

4. Avoid unnecessary idleness

5. Seek help from someone you can trust if the problem seems beyond your control.

I know some of you are still deeply hurt by your earthly fathers who never understand, accept, or affirm you. Whatever your situation, don't lose hope because you also have a Heavenly Father who loves you dearly!

There is hope and help when we fail or feeling weak. In Christ there is a second chance for us because "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" (2 Corinthians 5:17)

I’m so grateful that my dad believed in Christ a few months before he died of lung cancer. A few years later, I became a Christian and learned to love and forgive. I’m so happy that I could say, “Dad, I love you. I’m so happy you are with Jesus Christ!”

Herald Monthly just published my article “Remembering Father” with an old photo from my family album in the June 2011 edition. If you cannot read Chinese, you may read my English article published in June 2007 called “Honor Your Father In Spite Of Imperfections.” Don’t miss the photo, here are the links:

http://winnischiang.blogspot.com

http://parentingabcnewsletterinenglish.blogspot.com/2007_06_01_archive.html

Let us honor our Abba Father who created us and has given us new lives in Christ. May God help you to get along with, enjoy, and influence your children for years to come!

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Want to reprint this article? No problem! Just make sure you include a complete attribution and, whenever possible, a live link to our website. Please notify Winnis where and when the material will appear. The attribution should include this information:

Winnis Chiang, MA, MFT, Founder and Director of Parenting ABC, is a
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. She specializes in helping
Mandarin- and Cantonese-speaking parents to get along with, enjoy,
and influence their American Born Chinese children. Reach her at
ParentingABC.com.