Dare to Love

Linspirational, Linsanity, Linstant Classic, Linderella. These are some of the words people created after Jeremy Lin (age 23) led New York Knicks to five winning games in a row by last Saturday night. How could someone moved from the bench to superstardom in one week? Even Jeremy said it surprised him.

Jeremy’s parents came from Taiwan. Jeremy is an Asian American, an American-Born Chinese (ABC). I’m writing this before Valentine’s Day to remind all couples and parents the importance of loving one another and believing in each other. As moms and dads, the best gifts for our children are being in love with God and with each other. With love and encouragement, dreams do come true!

I am grateful to know the Lin family, served with Shirley at church, and watched their three sons grow. My son and Jeremy’s older brother were in the same youth group, and they have all played basketball together. As I shared last time, my son, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren were in town since December 19. Although James and I were away in Germany for 11 days and they had to go to L.A. and other places, we made the best of our time together. They departed Sunday afternoon. It might be two years before I hug them again, but I have to let go and let them follow God’s plan.

The three Lin boys learned to manage their time so that they have time to play basketball. Their dad has been a devoted NBA fan. He played basketball with his kids after they finished their homework. Through out Junior High and High School, in spite of his busy academic and basketball schedule, Jeremy attended worship and youth group, taught Sunday school, and served as a game leader at many of our Vacation Bible School programs. His parents helped him pursue his dreams while learning to manage his time and priority, building up his character in faith.

In March 2009, per request of his mom, I asked you to vote for Harvard University senior guard Jeremy Lin who was one of 11 finalists for the coveted Bob Cousy Collegiate Point Guard of the Year Award.

At that time I wrote, “Whether Jeremy wins or not, keep praying for him as a beloved child of God. Pray for him and other ABCs as they pursue their passions and dreams that seem far-fetched for OBC parents like us! Remember that God designs them and God has a purpose for them. Pray for those who are discouraged and feeling unworthy. Pray that they know God accepts them and loves them unconditionally. Pray that they would walk with Christ daily and trust in God no matter what happens because God has His will, His way, and His timing.”

Jeremy did not make the final six. In his “faith and fate” interview, he was asked, “Did you ever think, as a child, that you would be in this place, a top prospect for the NBA, in the running for the Bob Cousy award, given annually to the best point guard in the college game?”

Jeremy replied, “I didn't expect to play in college. Honestly, I didn't know if I was going to be able to play in high school. I was always one of the smallest guys. I went into high school at 5'3", 125 pounds, and every day I came home from practice asking my parents if I would grow taller. So, physically, I was so far behind. I was just trying to make the varsity team, let alone play in college. I had no idea what God had in store for me. That's why everyday, when I wake up and go to practice, I remind myself to be grateful that I have been so blessed. I could try to take credit for whatever success I've had, but honestly I see my basketball career as a miracle. That puts things into perspective for me.”

It seems that for nearly all of his basketball years, he has had to prove some critics wrong and fight for the opportunity to prove that he belongs.

In his senior year, he led his Palo Alto High School to win the California Interscholastic (CIF) Division 2 state title. He made the All-State First Team and was named the Northern California Division Player of the Year. But he was not offered any scholarships by Division One schools. In the end, he enrolled in Harvard with a guaranteed spot on their basketball team. He developed further, and in his last three years, made the All-Ivy League First Team.

When he was undrafted in the 2010 NBA Draft, he was devastated. Eventually, he signed as a free agent with Golden State Warriors for the 2010-11 season, making news as the “first Taiwanese-American who made the NBA.” However, he did not play much in the NBA. He was sent to play in the D-league. Pressure was on. Whenever he played well, he was happy, when he did not play well, he was unhappy. He realized he had lost the joy of playing!

In December, he was cut by the Warriors, then picked up and cut by the Houston Rockets. Good thing he already did his soul-searching and was determined to trust and rely on God. He wants to play basketball to glorify God. As a child of God, he has nothing to prove, nothing to lose. The pressure was lifted.

When he joined the New York Knicks, he sat on the bench. Jeremy might not have the chance to play, let alone to start the game. Opportunity arose, he took it, and the rest is history!

How could an Asian-American from Harvard played with and outdueled Kobe Bryant in Madison Square Garden? How could he made the Knicks into such a different team? Nothing is impossible with God. Let’s continue to pray for Jeremy that he will remain in Christ, moment by moment. May the Lord bless millions of people through him.

As parents from overseas, we often want our kids to play it safe. “Do this, don’t do that.” We operate from fear, not love. But if we follow Christ and do His will, nothing is impossible. Our kids need acceptance, truth, grace and love.

The most common ways of expressing love are called "Five Love Languages" by author Gary Chapman. Each person has his or her own dominant (primary and secondary) love language(s) among Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Gifts. Only when love is "spoken" through our particular language, can we "click" with the sender and feel loved.

Emotional love tanks need to be refilled constantly. Every negative interaction may cancel out 5-7 positive interactions. Do not get upset when your kids say, "You don't love me!" Listen to their feelings and show empathy. Try different ways to express your love until they get it. There is a Chinese saying, "You will only understand parental love when you parent your own child." We can all hope that some day our kids will look back and understand our love and sacrifice. However, why wait if you can love and feel loved now? Be bold. Dare to love. Try a different love language today!

“Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:17-19)

Since 2006, I have led workshops annually at BASS (Bay Area Sunday School). Our next convention is on March 1, 2 and 3, 2012 in Castro Valley. The website at www.bassconvention.org has information on general sessions and workshops. You could also listen to recordings from previous years.

I am leading two workshops in Cantonese on Saturday, March 3, 2012:

1. “Making Your Good Marriage Great” in Room N11 from 8:00 to 9:15 AM.

2. “Parenting American-Born Chinese” in Room N11 from 2:15 to 3:30 PM.

As a gift to you, I have compiled some articles and videos that Jeremy’s mom sent me in the past in my Chinese article page http://winnischiang.blogspot.com

Happy Valentine’s Day and See You at BASS!

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Want to reprint this article? No problem! Just make sure you include a complete attribution and, whenever possible, a live link to our website. Please notify Winnis where and when the material will appear. The attribution should include this information:

Winnis Chiang, LMFT and Founder of ParentingABC.com, specializes in helping Mandarin- and Cantonese-speaking high-tech Christian parents to get along with, enjoy, influence and equip their American-born Chinese children.